Sleepy Sundays | Why do some men act like this?

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Here I am, once again laying in bed with a nice hot cup of tea, setting out to write down all the thoughts in my mind. This one however, is more difficult to write. I don’t know what words to use to express how I’m feeling right now. Let me preface this post by saying that I am a romantic person, a hopeless one at that. I love the whole concept of romance and love, and hope with every inch of me that I’ll be able to find that love and romance that so many others have managed to find. I want to find someone to grow with, to learn with, and to explore with. I do not however, need to find someone to complete me. I am complete all on my own. I don’t need anyone to be happy in life. I can be happy all on my own. I want to find someone that compliments who I am in that perfect way, that way that makes us each even better people together than we would be separately. I want someone that is kind, and adventurous. I want someone that isn’t afraid to dream. I want someone that isn’t afraid of being themselves. I know that I am not a perfect person. I have flaws like everyone else. I have a little too much fat hanging around on my body, I tend to over-think things in the simplest of situations, I can be passionate and overly emotional at times, and I have forever lived with my head in the clouds. But I have always, and will always be kind to anyone and everyone I meet, live my life with integrity, and take every opportunity for adventure that comes my way, and I hope that someday I will find a man that accepts me for who and what I am, and gives me the chance to do the same. With all these things running through my mind, I also find it important to say that I will never settle. Far too often these days, I hear family members and various other people commenting on my love life. Just last week I heard my mother tell someone that I’ve “simply given up on men and love”. But that’s just not the case. I have given up on something, but it isn’t love, and it isn’t men; I’ve given up on living my life to please other people, and I officially gave up on it last night at 11:57 pm.

Last night, I went on a date. A date that I only agreed to go on to please my family and friends. To show them that I haven’t given up and that I still want to find love. I do this every so often, when people seem to be getting antsy about me sitting in my room too often, or laying at the park with my nose in a book too frequently, and this time was no different. A friend of mine made a comment about my dating life in front of my mother, and it started this whole conversation between them about me, while I was sitting right in front of them. And by the end of it, they had convinced me to say that I would love to go out with my friend’s boyfriend’s brother. A blind date. A horrible blind date at that.

Yesterday was the day, and I did my best to stay positive about it, I even managed to get a bit excited about the prospect of meeting someone new and maybe hitting it off. It’s been nearly two years since I ended my last real relationship, and I guess I assumed that maybe it was time to take dating seriously again. That’s not to say that I haven’t gone on dates since I ended my relationship, I’ve gone on plenty, the issue here, is that they’ve almost all gone the same way this one did; horribly.

I got to the restaurant, after having made the whole effort that a girl is expected to on a date; hair, makeup, outfit, the whole thing. He arrived a bit later, and greeted me nicely, gave me a little compliment, all good things so far. It was only when we sat down at the table and started talking that I started to become increasingly upset and annoyed with the whole situation. The waiter arrived and my date didn’t bother to look at him, greet him, or do anything that common courtesy and manners would normally see as standard procedure for interacting with another human being. He was just quite cold about the whole situation. But I shrugged it off and tried to keep things going. I told him about school, and all the things I’ve been up to recently, and various other things that you talk about when trying to get to know another person, but he seemed to only want to talk about himself, mainly the things that he has or the things that he’s accomplished, nothing about who he was or the person that he hopes to be. Almost as if I should be impressed and appreciative that I was able to be sitting at the same table as him. I tried to ignore it and just kept going with the date. But then the worst part of the evening came. The waiter brought the food to the table, and everything went downhill. My date was apparently displeased with the service, or the food, or something, I’m still not sure what set it all into motion, but he started being incredibly rude to the waiter, saying that he didn’t know how to do his job and calling him various names that I can’t quite remember at the moment, then called the manager over and was rude to him as well. I was so embarrassed by the whole situation that I couldn’t manage to stay any longer. I complained of a stomach ache, ended the date early, and went home to get into my pajamas, eat some ice cream, and heal from the trauma that is “dating”.

My question for you is why do some men act like this? The majority of the dates I’ve been on lately have gone similarly to this. Is it me? Do I attract men with huge egos and issues with being nice? Is it just the fact that I live in a city in the middle of Midwestern America? Am I overreacting? The whole idea of dating is hard for me. I don’t like the idea of getting dressed up and trying to sell myself to another person, trying to show them all the good bits about me and trying to hide the insecurities that I have about my body and my looks. Its all just filled with so much pressure. So is that why these men that I’ve gone out with have acted like that? Because of pressure? Who knows. All I know is that after eating half a pint of ice cream and binge watching episodes of Friends, at 11:57 pm Saturday on the 23rd of May, I officially gave up on pleasing other people. The next date I go on, will be with someone that I truly want to go out with, someone that is interested in me for me, and someone that I have things in common with. I don’t care if it takes me months or years to find someone that I really want to go out with, or if I have to go to another country to find that person; I refuse to let myself fall into the trap of living my life to make everyone else happy or to fit in to the mold of what I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

Maybe the person I am meant to be with is sitting somewhere in Europe or Australia or Canada, dreaming of finding a girl just like me. Maybe he’ll be the sort of man that is kind to the people around him. Maybe he’ll be a dreamer. Maybe he’ll want to explore the world with me. Maybe he will be perfectly imperfect, just right for me. Maybe he’ll be my happily ever after, wrapped in a bundle of silly conversations, morning snuggles, netflix binges, love that isn’t based on appearances, arguments that only last a moment, and a life time of adventures.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

54 thoughts on “Sleepy Sundays | Why do some men act like this?

  1. What a jerk that guy was! I think it was the right thing to draw a line in the sand. Too many people I know have had miserable lives because they didn’t assert self-sovereignty.

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Chin up pretty lady…the perfect guy does exist for you just like he does for all of you. I’m the same as you, romantic at heart and believe that there’s a soulmate for all of us and I plan on finding him this time round! I debating whether I’m brave enough to give internet dating a try again…I went on it for 6 weeks last year and only seemed to attract complete wierdos only after one thing or really old men! Xx

    Liked by 1 person

  3. What an idiot! As a man, I apologize for him. We’re not all like that so please do keep looking. Someone is out there for you 😉

    Liked by 2 people

  4. I’m sorry about it Lexie! And I totally understand you… The “dating” thing has never worked with me. Maybe for you a true date will be born from friendship. At least that’s what happened with me when I was not expecting. Hope you’re feeling a bit better today. Let it go girl! =*

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you’re right, that’s exactly how I’ll find the right person. Friendship is the perfect base for a good relationship in my opinion. Thank you so much lovely! I’m in a much better mood at the moment. 😊

      Like

  5. Oh, sweetie, it’s not you, it was him! I think it’s unfortunate that a lot of men are very ego-centric and have no concept of anyone else having feelings. A lot of people think things are what identify them, instead of who they are as a person. I am proud of you for sticking to your principles and not giving in to the pressure. I’m sure you’ll find Mr. Right out there somewhere, but not until the time is right for it to happen. Xoxo💕🌸

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Thank you! I do wish that those men that are like that would take notice to how awful they seem when they act this way. It was all just a bad experience. But writing it all out made things a lot better! And I hope you are right! 😊💕💐

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  6. What an idiot , sounds like he was trying to impress you acting the big man! I wouldn’t worry, love has a habit of finding you when you least expect it. Live your daily life and i’m sure mr right isn’t too far away. Great read.

    Liked by 2 people

  7. Yuck! He definitely wasn’t worth your time (although you probably needed to learnt that the hard way, unfortunately). I absolutely believe in judging people by how they treat waitstaff so this dude TANKED that one!
    I appreciate how candid you were about this subject. You just do you, lady!

    And hey, for me, I found my match when I wasn’t expecting him and when I had finally just said “hey, I’m cool doing this single lady thing” and things just happened in progression and are going great so you just never know!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Sadly, I agree. We all have to live through the bad experiences if we want to learn from them. And being candid is exactly what I wanted to do with this series of posts, I think that’s the only way to truly get my point and my feeling across, and to get real feedback from the amazing people reading. 🙂 And that sounds amazing, I’m happy for you! Hopefully if I can forget about what everyone else is saying and just let life happen, things will go just as well for me.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. I am so sorry that you had this horrible experience! I have never done any of these things that you mentioned. I don’t understand why anybody would be like that. I didn’t want you to have to go through that,but maybe it was meant to be. Maybe you needed to go through that in order to realize that you have to start doing things for you and not everyone else. That is the premise of the app,right? Unless you enjoy trying to please others you shouldn’t do that anymore. I truly believe the next date you go on will be your dream man simply because you will be doing it for you and not everyone else. You will know what you’re getting into and will make a wise decision. Here’s to you finding your dream man sooner than later!!😃😘❤️

    Liked by 1 person

  9. Human beings can be selfish and sometimes stupid. Men can be very selfish and very stupid at times. Some younger men don’t have examples of how to treat someone else and when it comes to true romance it gets even more complicated. Don’t rush to relationships without doing much vetting and that sort of thing.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. I suppose you’ve got to weed through the negative people in order to find the good ones in any situation in life, right? I think I’m just going to follow the advice of many people here and start witha friendship, and see where things go from now on, at least that way I’ll know what they are like as a person and know that they’re good for me before I get into a situation like that again. Vetting is going much higher on my list from now on, trust me! Thank you for the advice. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  10. I think he is an insecure little man, and had to go on an ego trip to prove he was something. Kuddos to you for getting out of dodge, definitely the right thing to do. Hang in there sista, prince charming is out there and when he’s the one, you’ll know. In the meantime, you keep doing what makes YOU happy…trust the process!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Hi, Lexie! Thanks for liking my poem today. I agree very much with mommacarranza. God sent me Mr. Right after a very long wait–31.5 years later we still like each other!! I am very glad now that nothing came of the early Mr. Wrongs. As for pleasing people vs. following what is in your own heart and head and spirit, I also 100% agree that you alone have to live in your own skin and live with your own choices. And the One Who made You knows you intimately, knows the exact places designed for you to live, and knows just what you need each day. Jesus lives.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Absolutely, all good things come to those who wait! So that’s what I’ll do. I’ll live my life, and when the right guy comes along, I just hope I’ll realize it. 🙂

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  11. I don’t understand when people act that way, either. How you treat people who you’re paying for a job says a lot about you, I think. Clearly this is an arrogant, self-centered human being with some insecurities that he needs to take out on other people to make himself feel powerful.

    As for the whole dating thing, I hear you. I had a lengthy break after my last relationship and at some point my friends and family started the whole “you’re not getting any younger thing.” People just need to chill sometimes.

    Anyway, may you never have to deal with another jerk like this again 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  12. when I read your post I felt like j was reading something I had written. Thanks for being so candid, it is nice to know I am not the only one in this sort of situation. The advice I am often given and am choosing to believe is that it will happen when it is supposed to and not before. Mr Right is out there and you will meet him when the time is right but in the meantime live your life and enjoy it, don’t force the issue.
    Best of luck!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, I really appreciate that! I was worried when I posted this that some people might take it negatively and say some not so nice things, but it seems like people really understand where I was coming from, men and women! Which is a wonderful thing. It definitely encourages me to be more candid in the future with my thoughts and feelings. 🙂
      I completely agree. I’m going to take that to heart now and just let whatever happens, happen.

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  13. I am almost afraid to comment, because I do not want to lump men all in one category, but the unfortunate truth is that men are insecure beings just like everybody else who overcompensate by trying to be too manly. having said that there are great guys out there, I have a girlfriend who was always rude to servers, and after years of her abusing people I stop hanging around with her, perhaps he was just a little nervous too and this is his way of trying to impress, I think people try too hard to impress rather than just be themselves!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Anyone being rude and disrespectful to people that they don’t know and have done absolutely nothing to them is ridiculous to me. Why would anyone think it’s okay? And yeah I had that thought, maybe he was under pressure or nervous, but even so, I’m not sure that the right person for me would lash out at the people around them when they’re nervous, I don’t think we’d get along well if that were the case. I just need to take more time to build a friendship with someone before I try and date them. 🙂 I think we can all use more confidence to just be ourselves sometimes and not give into the pressures of the people and society around us, it would be a much better place if we did. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

  14. Great blog Lexie, and the comments, …. Well I hardly know where to begin, some very supportive and positive people out there 😀 and they have struck on the issue of modern man (or perhaps that should be boy!) most seem to be complete to…rs, clearly without a clue of how to treat people whatever walk of life they come from, probably mainly due to a lack of role model, or perhaps they watch too much TV and use that as the norm, seems there is no hope there then!
    I’m sure that you will find happiness somehere along lifes road, don’t let it worry you or get you down, be yourself and it will all fall into place, enjoy youself and keep up the writing, its great.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much Dave! I really appreciate it! 🙂 I am most definitely taking all the advice I’ve been given these past couple days to heart. I plan to just focus my attention and energy on this blog and other things that I have fun with, and just let things happen when they’re good and ready to. 🙂

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  15. Dating sucks. This is everywhere across the board. I’m with you. It’s why I have multiple WordPress blogs. I’m recovering from a dysfunctional 11 year relationship, among other tragedies. And I’ve realized, life is too short to live with obligations for others, or to make others happy while sacrificing yourself. There are many complications man, so so many. I wish we could hang out and switch stories, so you see this is everywhere and you’re not alone.

    I love this entry. I hope you eventually find what you’re looking for. Me too! We deserve it! Amen!

    Liked by 1 person

  16. Boy oh boy can I relate to your post!
    Although I’ve never done too much dating I can completely understand the whole pressure to please, in all the different ways : looking pretty for a date, pleasing your family, showing your best sides off… UGH! :/
    Although I met my hubby when I least expected it I needed to go through a few ‘frogs’ before I could make up what kind of man I was exactly looking for.
    But to get back to the pressure issue I have only one word: Worthless!
    I find that putting too much pressure on yourself to wear that nice dress to a family dinner/date or putting that little extra make up on, or or or, is just not worth it. It almost gives me a stomach ache for having to go through so much effort to show the best possible version of yourself to please other. And those voices in your head: Will they like this, prefer me in stg like this, think I look like crap if I don’t have eyeliner on… 😦
    It is still a ongoing issue on special occasions etc for me but I try to remind myself on those day to just wear what I am comfortable with because it will make me the most enjoyable person.
    Because who can completely be themselves if you don’t feel like that on the inside? (or outside for that matter :P)
    And if it is the right kind of guy he will fall for you head over heels, in that comfy pair of jeans and tie dye tshirt 😉

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Exactly, its important to be comfortable in your own skin in order to really be yourself with someone. I’m working towards living that way, and just making sure that I’m being myself at all times, and if someone doesn’t like that, then that’s okay, there’s plenty of other people out there for them, and if they do like me for who I am, then that’s even better! 🙂 Thank you so much Vicky! ❤

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  17. Great blog entry. I had a similar blind date adventure about ten years ago. It was horrible. The guy wanted to take his eye out and show me in the restaurant (he had a glass eye). Long story short, he was ok outside of the restaurant and was terrible inside. I went outside to get some air. My current fiance was also at this restaurant (we frequented it) and we hit it off. That was ten years ago 🙂 Friends make the greatest partners. Maybe your match is on a trail and waiting to bump into you sometime.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. Let me summarize by saying he’s just a jerk and he’s most likely trying to look like a tough guy, and unfortunately there are too many of those around. But that’s why they’re single. Be optimistic though because you are right about finding a complimentary person. We can’t let our happiness be dependent on someone else. You are still young and have PLENTY of time to find the right one. Just keep doing what you’re doing, stick to your list and you’ll come across someone you’ll be very happy to be with.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much. I completely agree. I’m just going to do more of what makes me happy, and if I meet someone along the way that adds to that happiness, then fantastic. If not, that’s fine too. 🙂 Everyone else will just have to deal with it.

      Liked by 1 person

  19. I feel 100% the same way you do about dating and have had many dates go the same way. It’s unnerving how much dating and job interviews are alike sometimes. This whole post was so awesome and resonated with me so much, thanks for writing it. Here’s to completing ourselves and hopefully some better dates on the horizon 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Absolutely. 🙂 It was my pleasure. I wanted to get all of those things off my chest, and I hoped in writing it that it would help a few other people that were going through similar things feel a little bit better. 🙂

      Like

  20. Try showing more of your insecurities and hiding some of the good bits. The riff raff will fall by the wayside and, in the end, you’ll know who’s in it for more of the real you.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Well that got me thinking. It might be that you are kind and all the people you go out with are just people you know much about. Its to know if someone is kind so like you said instead of having living your life for others live it for you and get to know a guy first before go out. And if I were you I would left the table before the manager got there coz even if anything was wrong it doesnt give you the right to yell at someone while you dont know what kind of a day they had. And men act like that coz they are jerks. Yeah I know am a man.

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