Sleepy Sundays | Don’t call it a comeback

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So, we meet again, you cute little blog you. I’ve missed this, I really have. Sometimes you forget how good something simple like this can feel, just releasing all your thoughts onto a screen, letting anyone that’s willing read everything you’ve decided to share. Life gets in the way, I’m sure you know how it goes. But today, after so much time away, I’m back. Will I stick with it? Make time for something I enjoy in life for once? Who knows, but I appreciate each and every one of you that kept following me, even as I was away for months on end. You’re beautiful and I love you.

Now, with all of that out of the way, let’s chat. After all, that’s what I always wanted to do with this blog. I wanted to get my thoughts out of my head, and written down on paper, even if that was through a keyboard on a public forum. I wanted to talk to people, interact with them, learn from them, get to know them, and become friends with them. So let me just ask, how are you? How are things going? I’m doing well. Things are going okay I suppose, all things considered. Nothing too exciting has happened in my life since we last talked. It may have even grown just a little more monotonous since then, if that’s possible. I’ve fallen into a routine; get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, and repeat. Monday through Friday, this is my life. I wish I were able to switch it up, to add a little spice to my life. How do you do it? How do you keep your life exciting? Please, share your secrets with me Senpai.

The most exciting thing that happened to me this weekend was when my Amazon order arrived yesterday, containing a new Electric Kettle and some cupboard organizers for all of my tea; who knew life could be filled with so much excitement?! I know I didn’t! All joking aside, I was sincerely thrilled to open up my new kettle, but I digress. Maybe I’m just in a rut? That’s possible I suppose. Or maybe it’s because my birthday is just a few short weeks away, and I’m beginning to feel the pressure that comes along with it. I’ll be 23, which may not sound old or important, but there is a lot of pressure coming along with this birthday. My parent’s think I should be settled down with that “perfect someone”, thinking about getting married and starting a family, my friends think I should already be finished with college and moved into my own place, partying it up. When in reality, I’m 22, living at home, single, fighting to finish this bachelors degree, and working a full-time job that brings no joy or excitement to my life, and chasing Pokemon in my spare time. Oh goodness, this is turning into a very “woe is me” sort of post. I need to change things up, turn it around.

Maybe I should share some things that make me happy, who knows, maybe that will pull me out of this little funk I seem to be in at the moment.

One seemingly unusual thing that always makes me happy is a strange one to describe. I suppose its essentially just the wind, but it’s much more than that to me. I love that feeling, when you’re sitting outside on a slightly cooler night, in-between the summer heat and the autumn chill, reading or just watching the world go by, when the wind sweeps across your face and you feel completely calm and safe, even if just for a moment. It makes me so happy to know that moments like that exist.

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My cat is also another point of sheer happiness for me. I mean, just look at her! Look at that face! She has this way of knowing when I need her. She’s always so quick to come and snuggle with me when I’m feeling down, or ill, or upset. Even when she’s being obnoxious, or irritating, she still has a way of making me feel so genuinely happy, all the way to my core, no matter what. For instance, she is currently laying on my chest, partially blocking my access to the keyboard on my laptop, and just being a general pain, and I still smile like a fool each time I look down at her sweet little face snuggled up against my arm.

As much as my family has a tendency to be a bit overbearing and hard to handle, I’m still filled with happiness each time I remember how lucky I am to have them. After the horrible events in France, TexasMinnesota, Louisiana, Turkey, and so many more these past few weeks, I’m feeling even luckier than usual to have my family, and to know that I have people out there to fall back on and lean on when things get tough. They are all absolutely insane, pushy, and ridiculous, but I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

Lastly, one of the things that makes me happiest; daydreaming. I’ve always loved the fact that we’ve all got this ability, this superpower, to transport ourselves to another time or place in our own minds. We’re all equipped with our own mental T.A.R.D.I.S, if you will. If I’m unhappy, or feeling stuck, or sad, or anything in between, I can simply imagine that my life will take a different turn in the future, or imagine that I’ve stumbled into a new place, or just lay back, and let my daydreams guide me. There’s no limit to the amount of things I can accomplish in a daydream. No one cares how I look in a daydream. There’s no body shaming, there’s no cruelty, and there’s no fear. It’s a completely pure space, untainted by the outside world, and it is one of my biggest sources of happiness.

And with that my friends, this Sleepy Sunday post has come to a close, and I’ll have to drag myself out of bed to start my day. My tea is gone and my cup is dry. I hope you enjoyed reading this ramble that I’ve decided to put out onto the internet, and that you found something to take with you from it. Whether that be something life changing, like learning your daydreams are a T.A.R.D.I.S, or simply just the memory of how adorable my cat is, I hope you’ve had a lovely few moments here with me.

Please feel free to leave me a comment and chat with me, or check out the “Contact Me” page to send me an email. I would love to hear from you and get to know you.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

 

 

 

20 Summer Goals | Watercolor Wonders

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Okay, yes, summer has come and gone, and while I did fulfill many of those goals that I shared with all of you in my earlier post, I just didn’t seem to capture them all and share them with you. So for one last time this year, I wanted to share one more of my Summer Goals with you.

This one may have been my favorite. I’ve always loved art. Growing up all I wanted to do was color, paint, and create. Maybe that’s why I’ve fallen so in love with writing. It’s my way of creating something and sharing it with people. But I fell into that trap of thinking that “I’m just not good at art doing art”. I think a lot of people think of creating things or being artistic as some sort of competition. Like you have to be amazing at it to do it, and if you aren’t, then you shouldn’t even try to create things. Or thinking that because someone else is better than you are, that you shouldn’t even try to create things. But through this little water color journey of mine, I’ve realized (although, this is something I’ve understood for a while) that it doesn’t take skill or a special talent to create. All it takes is you. And your imagination. Being creative is a part of life that everyone should partake in. Its not a competition, its not just for the wildly talented. Creativity is a right that no one can take away. Creativity is about passion, and happiness. Creativity is about letting your mind and your thoughts do what they want to do, rather than always thinking it through to every last little detail. Creativity is an essential part of life.

Creativity is intelligence having fun.Albert Einstein 

When I first started in with watercolor painting, I tried to really learn it. Learn the techniques, the skills, the whole process. But I quickly learned that I didn’t fully enjoy it that way. I created many beautiful paintings, from lighthouses, to beaches, to flower arrangements, but through out those projects, it all felt like work. I had to pay attention to what I was doing, I had to focus, and I had to try incredibly hard. It was easy to see that it wasn’t my thing.

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Eventually, I put away the YouTube tutorials, sat down outside in my backyard, and just painted. I didn’t realize how much I could love just sitting down with my paint brushes just splattering paint around on paper. No thoughts about what I would be painting, or what techniques needed to be used to achieve it. I don’t enjoy making those things, as much as I enjoy these little pages full of messy patches of color.

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Now, after making dozens of these colorful, blob filled creations, I had to figure out if anything could be done with them. As much as I enjoy them, and enjoy the process of making them, they aren’t exactly “frame worthy”. But as I was walking through the card aisle of Target, I realized that I had a use for all of them, one that would add an extra personal touch to everything that I do. If this were a cartoon, the little light bulb would have lit up on top of my head. Cards. I could make cards out of these silly little paintings and add an extra personal touch to all the little things that I like to do.

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I love to give cards for all sorts of occasions. When someone is sick, when someone’s birthday rolls around, etc,. But one thing I always do, is send Thank You cards. So that’s what I made for this post. This little thank you card is for all of you reading this, and for all my internet friends that follow this blog and send me emails checking on how I’m doing and just generally chatting with me. It has been so fun starting this blog, just the enjoyment that I’ve gotten out of writing alone would have made it the best thing I’ve done all year, but the friendships I’ve made, and the support I’ve gotten, have all made this into something that I don’t want to give up. So thank you, you lovely people you.

I hope all of you can find some way to be creative, even if you’re not great at it, as long as you’re doing it, that’s all that matters. There is no wrong way to be creative.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

Somehow I fell off the blogging bandwagon. I have many things to blame for my lapse in posts; full-time course load, full-time work load, quarter-life crisis, etc,. The list could go on and on, as it could for everyone I suppose. But I wanted to get back into things. This is almost therapeutic for me. Writing down my thoughts, sharing them with all of you. Its nice. So I’m going to do my best to regain that spark, if you don’t mind of course, and what better to start with than another Summer Goals post? Although this is the final Summer Goals post of the year, I can assure you, that I have some things in-store for this blog that I am truly excited about, so I hope you come along with me on the continuation of my little blogging journey. ❤

Sleepy Sundays | I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22

My brother and I, at my first birthday, August 7th, 1994.  Yes, I still eat cake that way.
My brother and I, at my first birthday, August 7th, 1994.
Yes, I still eat cake that way.

Birthdays. What can you say about them really? Some people love them and some people hate them, but I for one, fall into the “love” group wholeheartedly (for the most part). I am not someone that dreads getting older or has an existential crisis every time their birthday rolls around, but I am someone that does a lot of contemplating and thinking when this day comes back around each year.

I'm pretty sure I saw a girl leaving Starbucks wearing this exact sunflower dress yesterday. The baby version of me was such a trendsetter.
I’m pretty sure I saw a girl leaving Starbucks wearing this exact sunflower dress yesterday.
The baby version of me was such a trendsetter.

Friday, August 7th, was my birthday. I spent it with friends and family having one of my favorite meals, eating yummy cupcakes, enjoying more than a few cocktails, and reminiscing about life and all the birthdays I’ve celebrated before this one. Every year for at least the last 5 years or so, I sit down, and just think. I think about all the things I have or haven’t done this past year, I think about the chances I took and the ones I let slip by, I think of all the happy and sad times, and I think of what I expected life to be at this moment. I always have a clear picture of what I want my life to be and where I want to end up, and coming to terms with the fact that I have no control over those things is a tough one for me. Well, I wouldn’t say that I have absolutely no control, but there are many things that just happen how they are mean’t to in life, and there’s not much you can do about it.

This is still the face I make when someone asks me to "smile for the camera!"
This is still the face I make when someone asks me to “smile for the camera!”

In a perfect world* (from the point of view of a daydreaming, introverted, bookworm that has an intense love for adventure and smiles), I would be travelling right now. Making the most of my youth, exploring all the places I’ve written about on this blog and many, many more. I would be standing on top of a mountain in Greece, staring off into the ocean contently thinking about where I’ll go next and what places I want to see. I’d be writing every day, and putting it all out there for the world to see. I’d never worry about money or material things, because who needs that when you have so much to see and do in life? Books would never be far from my hands and a smile would never be far from my face. I’d be happy, in the purest sense of the word.

But it isn’t my perfect world. Instead, I’m a struggling student, working a full-time, at a supremely boring and mundane office job, while tackling a full-time course load. I’m stuck in midwestern Missouri in the middle of America, with no funds to get out. I’m drowning myself in student loan debt in hopes of giving myself a better future. I’m boyfriendless and single in a place where that is a rarity. I’m not fit and healthy, as I would so love to be. I’m not writing everyday or living out my passions and dreams. But one thing that I realized on my birthday this year, is that I am happy. In the purest sense of the word. And that is all that matters to me right now. I may not be where I’ve dreamt of being in life, but I’m happy. I’m meeting new people and making new friends all the time. I’m exploring my own city and creating my own adventures. I’m writing a lot more than I used to, even if all of that writing is still sitting in my drafts folder and hasn’t been posted here.

This is one of many football team related photoshoots that my parents forced upon me as a child. American parents and their sports, you can't get away from it.
This is one of many football team related photoshoots that my parents forced upon me as a child. American parents and their sports, you can’t get away from it.

This birthday has shown me that I don’t always need to be in control. I can still lead a happy life, even if it isn’t what I expected it to be. Even when I have hard days, and bad days, and even on those days where I just want to sit on the floor and cry from all the stress, it will all be worth it in the end, and it is all worth it right this moment, just for those days where I am filled with pure happiness.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the little glimpses into my life and child hood throughout this post with the random photographs I’ve decided to throw in. What’s a good birthday post without a little bit of a throw back.

I will leave you now, as I always should, with a quote from Harry Potter.

What’s comin’ will come, an’ we’ll meet it when it does. -Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, page 719

And now, at the very end, you get me, in my current state. Hair that somehow always manages to be untidy at all times, Superhero t-shirts, and a cat in the background.
And now, at the very end, you get me, in my current state. Hair that somehow always manages to be untidy at all times, Superhero t-shirts, and a cat in the background.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

30 Day Writing Challenge | Day 19

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Day 19: Discuss your first love.

As I’ve said in previous posts, I don’t feel like I’ve ever been in love with another person romantically, and I think that’s what this prompt is referring to. So I can’t really blog about that for you. I wish I could say that there was a high school sweetheart or a college love, but I’ve not had that. I’ve had plenty of boyfriends, but none that amounted to real love. Instead of writing about that, I’m going to write about a few other “first love” situations.

When I was really young, as young as 3 and 4, I loved maps and puzzles. I would put together map puzzles of the world and of various countries, and would tell everyone about all the different places I could see. This was the point that my United Kingdom love affair began. I did my UK puzzle over and over and over again until it basically fell apart. Apparently I loved the shapes and colors of it and didn’t want to do any others. Once that was destroyed, I was given little books and things by family about the UK and all things British; they all found it so funny that I had this little obsession as a toddler. Eventually, as I grew older, I began learning about the history, the monarchy, and the geography of the countries and fell even more in love. Aside from that, I gained a real love for geography from my map and puzzle obsession. I don’t know that there is a subject (aside from writing and literature) that I excelled in more.

Reading. I can’t think of a time in my life that didn’t revolve around books and reading. I can remember vividly being read to as a child, all the time. I was lucky enough to have been taught to read at an early age, before entering school, so I was reading at a higher level than most of my peers as I grew. I may be absolutely crap at math, but reading is something I can most assuredly say I am spectacular at. The first “real” book I ever read on my own was Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, and I was hooked. I have read all the books in the series cover to cover more times than I can count. It was an outlet for me, to be able to jump into a magical world so vastly different from my own when things got particularly hard at home or when I wasn’t having the best time socially at school. I didn’t have the simplest childhood or teen years, but books and my imagination helped me through it. Reading will always be a part of my life, from my “first love” book of Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone, to every book I’ve read since then, they have all inspired me in their own ways.

Lastly, my niece and nephew. I didn’t have the best family life growing up. Nothing was very stable, there were a lot of fights, and things just weren’t very pleasant at times. I wasn’t really sure what love was when I was young. I was never sure whether or not my family loved me, or if I loved them even. It was all really complicated. But the day my niece was born, and I was able to hold her and experience her very first day in the world with her, I knew what love was. I was only ten, but I knew that she was going to be someone very special in my life. I didn’t think it was possible to ever love anyone as much as I loved that chunky little monkey, but then her brother was born, and I fell just as in love with his sweet little face the moment I saw him as I did with my niece. Those two absolutely mad children are my whole world, and I couldn’t be happier that they are the people that helped me realize what love really is.

How about you, have you ever been in love? I’d love to hear about it.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

30 Day Writing Challenge | Day 7

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Day 7: List 10 songs that you’re loving right now.

I’m not going to go in-depth as to why I like these songs or these artists, because I feel like music is such a personal thing. Some of these songs I just love because of how they sound and some of them are ones that I connect to on a super personal level. I don’t think that any two people can listen to a song and have the same thoughts and feelings about it. One person may hear a song about a relationship and only hear a song about a relationship, when the person sitting next to them hears the same song but connects to it in a different way and hears a song about the meaning of life. You never know if you’ll like something until you give it a try. My music taste changes constantly. Some days I’ll only want to listen to bubble gum pop music, other days I want nothing more than to drive down the street listening to hard rock. Currently, my music taste is all over the place. Its a little bit folksy, a little bit pop, and a little bit random, and I’m really happy with it. I hope that you are able to enjoy some of the stuff here, and if it’s just not what you’re into, I hope you can at least enjoy seeing and hearing some of the things that someone else likes!

1. Let It Go by James Bay
2. Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson
3. Photograph by Ed Sheeran
4. Work Song by Hozier
5. City Of Angels by 30 Seconds To Mars
6. House Of Gold by Twenty One Pilots
7. Hopeless Wanderer by Mumford & Sons
8. Shut Up And Dance by Walk The Moon
9. Mess Is Mine by Vance Joy
10. Budapest by George Ezra (but also an extra one; Listen To The Man by George Ezra, because I love the video and I don’t play by the rules.)

Let It Go by James Bay

Banana Pancakes by Jack Johnson

Photograph by Ed Sheeran

Work Song by Hozier
(I have a huge musical crush on Hozier at the moment.)

House Of Gold by Twenty One Pilots
(This video is a bit odd, lets just make that clear before you watch it, but I do love the song.)

Hopeless Wanderer by Mumford & Sons

Shut Up And Dance by Walk The Moon

Mess Is Mine by Vance Joy

Budapest by George Ezra
(His voice gets me every time. I’ve been listening to his stuff for around two years now, and I still never expect that voice to come out of him. Incredible.)

Listen To The Man by George Ezra

I hope you enjoyed seeing into my mind a bit, and hearing some of the things that I’ve been listening to lately! If you’d like, let me know some songs you’re into at the moment in the comments below! I love getting introduced to new stuff, and as I said before, my taste in music is constantly changing, so I’m always looking for different sounds and styles of music; whatever makes me happy to listen to at that particular moment is what I’m into.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

Polls and Feedback | I’d love to hear what you think!

Hello everyone!

I’m really interested in seeing what sort of blog posts you all are enjoying most, and what sort of other posts you’d like to see from me! Below I’ve added a poll that I put on my “About Me” page a few days ago. So far I’ve gotten a few great responses to it, but I’d love some more input! I’ve listed a few options of things that I am interested in writing about and posting just to get your opinions, and there is also a spot for you to write any additional ideas you may have. You can choose as many or as few as you’d like, so please feel free to do so! I’d love to hear what you all are thinking about this little blog of mine. 🙂 I thank you in advance and really do appreciate it! Please feel free to take advantage of the little blank section and write down anything inparticular that you’d like me to think about, whether it be short stories, certain topics, various personal topics, anything! I truly want to hear what you are interested in and what sort of content would be good to think about writing!

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

30 Day Writing Challenge | Introduction and Day 1!

Here we go, my first 30 Day Challenge on this blog.Will I completely fail at posting every single day for 30 days? Probably. Will I have fun giving it a go? Absolutely. So here I am, sitting in my bed watching Across the Universe, and setting myself up for quite the month. Writing 30 thoughtful and personal posts, all while *hopefully* maintaining my regular schedule of random personal posts, Take Me Away posts, Summer Goals posts, and Sleepy Sunday posts. I’m excited, a little nervous, and all around just interested to see how it all plays out. I love a good challenge, especially one that makes me think, and as writing is a passion of mine, this one seemed completely and utterly perfect. I also feel like this challenge will help me connect with myself a bit more, and may help me to stay inspired throughout this next month. So, without further ado, here is the start of my 30 Day Writing Challenge!
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Day 1: List 10 things that make you really happy.

1. Life.
2. Writing.
3. The wind blowing on my face and the leaves crunching beneath my feet on a blustery autumn afternoon.
4. Learning, about anything and everything I can.
5. Adventures.
6. Love.
7. The smell of freshly mowed grass.
8. The seaside.
9. Talking to people with Irish accents, or any accent really
10. Baby animals.

This list goes a bit all over the place, but I suppose that’s a good thing. So many different things in the world make me endlessly happy, some are the simplest of moments, and some are complex and magical things. Life makes me happy for the obvious reason that it means I’m alive. No matter what could be going wrong in my life, at least I’m here living it. So many people don’t get that chance anymore, and I intend to make the most of this beautiful thing that is life. I have always loved writing. It is my outlet. My key to unlocking new worlds with the tip of a pen or the stroke of a key on my keyboard. Writing is the way that I can escape from the world around me and create my own. Autumn is my happy season, the wind, the rain, the beautiful colors, the mild temperatures; there is no season that makes me happier. Learning is something that I’ve talked about on more than one occasion on this blog. I believe that there is never a time in your life when there is nothing left for you to learn or understand. I live to learn. Learning about science, people. cultures, music, film, everything; that’s what makes my life meaningful to me. This blog isn’t called “Adventures of Lexie” for nothing. I believe that everyday is an adventure if you let it be. I hope to have the chance to have adventures all over the world, all my life, collecting friendships and memories along the way. Love is one of the most important things in the world. We are all made to love one another. Not just the mushy gushy romantic kind of love, because lets be honest, not everyone has that. But everyone loves someone or something. I love my family and friends, I love books, I love music, I love the ocean, I love chocolate… the list could go on forever. All too often people just talk about the things they hate, or the things that are wrong with the world, but just for this moment, I’d like you to think about all the things that you love, all the people that you love. I promise that it will brighten your mood, even if it’s just for a second. It’s the small things in life that make me the happiest, like a smile from someone walking down the street, or the smell of freshly mowed grass. There’s not a scent memory in life that holds more memories for me than the smell of freshly mowed grass. Just the smell of it brings back memories of skinned knees, sidewalk battle scars, smiles, the sun shining down on me, forcing my hair into an even lighter shade of blonde than you’d think is possible; it brings back memories of childhood, a simpler time, and that’s a beautiful thing. Nearly all of the moments in life when I’ve felt the most comfortable, and the most “myself” was when I was standing by the seaside. There is one moment that I remember most vividly; I was sitting on the hood of my rental car in Northern Ireland, on the Antrim Coast near Glenarm, watching the waves rolling into the rocky shoreline, thinking about everything going on in my life. I was in a relationship that I hated, had a major in college that wasn’t right for me, and wanted nothing more than to stay in that spot watching the ocean forever. That moment was the one when I decided to end that horrible relationship, change my major to something different, and work as hard as possible in life to be able to come back to that spot someday, build a home, and never leave. This is also where I discovered my love for Irish accents. I’ve always loved accents of any kind, as I think most Americans do, and I’ve heard my fair share after working at a bed and breakfast with a nice flow of international guests, but after the day I sat talking to a variety of people in a pub in Ireland, I can safely say that the Irish accent makes me happiest. There’s just something about it that makes me happy when I hear it, I don’t know how to explain it. Lastly, one thing that can always make me smile when I’m having a rough go of things is baby animals. Any sort of adorable little animal photo is amazing. When you’re having a down day just google baby animals, and I am 95% sure that it will make you a little happier.

With that, my 30 Day Challenge has officially begun. I am excited to give you all a bigger glimpse into what goes on in this odd mind of mine, and to give myself a bit of inspiration through the month. I think it will be something that I really enjoy trying to do everyday, and I hope there are a few of you out there that will enjoy reading it.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

Growing Up

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I started yesterday off with a panic attack. I was so overwhelmed and worried and it came out of nowhere and hit me like a freight train. You know that feeling when you’re walking down some stairs and you miss the one at the bottom and think you’re falling for a moment, that feeling you get in your stomach and through the rest of your body, that deep fear? You know how it goes away instantly when you realize you’re not falling anymore? Imagine that feeling being intensified, and not going away; that’s what my panic attacks feel like. I feel like I’m drowning on land. It takes a little while to calm me down. I don’t have them often thankfully, typically my anxiety isn’t as intense as it is for some people, and I am usually able to keep it under control. But today I just couldn’t.

I don’t want to grow up anymore. When I was little, I wanted nothing more than to be older, and have that freedom that comes with age. But now I’ve hit the point where I fully understand that it’s a trap, and a big lie. There’s no freedom. There’s the vague idea of freedom, and you can almost reach out and grab it, but then reality knocks you back just an inch too far and it is completely out of grasp. I wish I could fly off to Neverland, and just spend my days with the lost boys and Peter Pan, dreaming and living life with no thoughts of fear of the future or longing for something that isn’t really a possibility.

All of this comes after submitting applications at offices for work. Real work. Not the nanny jobs that I’ve had for the past three years, not the silly little jobs I had before that; real, substantial, career building jobs, and that scares me like nothing else in this world ever has. I’m lucky to have the opportunities that I do, I’m lucky to be able to attend college, and to have a realistic possibility of getting a decent job, I know that. But the idea of growing up and doing all the things that adults have to do scares me because it makes me think that my dreams are going to die. It makes me think that my head will be pushed back under the clouds. It makes me think that the life I’ve always wanted to live will never happen, and that’s my biggest fear. I don’t want to end up like my parents, fighting to scrape by, just wishing for the day they can retire to come a little sooner. I don’t want my dreams to die. I want to be the one that makes it, the one that follows their heart all across the world, documenting each time a dream comes true with a pen, notebook, and a smile.

Being told about interview tips, business attire, presenting myself in the best possible light, selling my self to a company, making myself into the most “hireable” version of me that I can be; It all seems so… real. And I’m not ready for it to be real. Will I allow myself to be sucked in to the career-driven world of business? Will I lose who I am along the way? Will I no longer be known as the dreamer, the one who’s going places, the one that will never give up? No. I refuse to do that. I refuse to let this change in my life ruin anything. I am writing this post to make a promise to myself and to motivate myself: Never give up on your dreams. Work, and work hard. But make sure that you are working hard for a reason. Pin up photos of places you want to go. Save every spare dime. Remind yourself everyday why you are doing this. Never lose sight of the dream. You will explore the world. You will move to another country and start a life if that’s what you want to do. You will not settle for a life that you were never meant for. You will succeed. You will come out of this journey into adulthood as the same person you were before, maybe even a little better. You will always be a dreamer. You are going to go far in life.

With all of that said, I am determined not to lose myself in this new chapter in life. I will hold on to that innocence, that completely reckless optimism that I have inside me. I will keep dreaming, and keep believing that I will achieve those dreams, because in the end, I know that I am the only thing that can stand in my way. Here’s to hoping that we can all hold on to that piece of ourselves, and that the existential/quarter-life crisis that is inevitably heading my way in a couple years won’t break me, and won’t be too overly-dramatic. And here’s to hoping that said crisis will at least be a little entertaining to read about when I most assuredly post it on the internet for all of you to read.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

Sleepy Sundays | Why do some men act like this?

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Here I am, once again laying in bed with a nice hot cup of tea, setting out to write down all the thoughts in my mind. This one however, is more difficult to write. I don’t know what words to use to express how I’m feeling right now. Let me preface this post by saying that I am a romantic person, a hopeless one at that. I love the whole concept of romance and love, and hope with every inch of me that I’ll be able to find that love and romance that so many others have managed to find. I want to find someone to grow with, to learn with, and to explore with. I do not however, need to find someone to complete me. I am complete all on my own. I don’t need anyone to be happy in life. I can be happy all on my own. I want to find someone that compliments who I am in that perfect way, that way that makes us each even better people together than we would be separately. I want someone that is kind, and adventurous. I want someone that isn’t afraid to dream. I want someone that isn’t afraid of being themselves. I know that I am not a perfect person. I have flaws like everyone else. I have a little too much fat hanging around on my body, I tend to over-think things in the simplest of situations, I can be passionate and overly emotional at times, and I have forever lived with my head in the clouds. But I have always, and will always be kind to anyone and everyone I meet, live my life with integrity, and take every opportunity for adventure that comes my way, and I hope that someday I will find a man that accepts me for who and what I am, and gives me the chance to do the same. With all these things running through my mind, I also find it important to say that I will never settle. Far too often these days, I hear family members and various other people commenting on my love life. Just last week I heard my mother tell someone that I’ve “simply given up on men and love”. But that’s just not the case. I have given up on something, but it isn’t love, and it isn’t men; I’ve given up on living my life to please other people, and I officially gave up on it last night at 11:57 pm.

Last night, I went on a date. A date that I only agreed to go on to please my family and friends. To show them that I haven’t given up and that I still want to find love. I do this every so often, when people seem to be getting antsy about me sitting in my room too often, or laying at the park with my nose in a book too frequently, and this time was no different. A friend of mine made a comment about my dating life in front of my mother, and it started this whole conversation between them about me, while I was sitting right in front of them. And by the end of it, they had convinced me to say that I would love to go out with my friend’s boyfriend’s brother. A blind date. A horrible blind date at that.

Yesterday was the day, and I did my best to stay positive about it, I even managed to get a bit excited about the prospect of meeting someone new and maybe hitting it off. It’s been nearly two years since I ended my last real relationship, and I guess I assumed that maybe it was time to take dating seriously again. That’s not to say that I haven’t gone on dates since I ended my relationship, I’ve gone on plenty, the issue here, is that they’ve almost all gone the same way this one did; horribly.

I got to the restaurant, after having made the whole effort that a girl is expected to on a date; hair, makeup, outfit, the whole thing. He arrived a bit later, and greeted me nicely, gave me a little compliment, all good things so far. It was only when we sat down at the table and started talking that I started to become increasingly upset and annoyed with the whole situation. The waiter arrived and my date didn’t bother to look at him, greet him, or do anything that common courtesy and manners would normally see as standard procedure for interacting with another human being. He was just quite cold about the whole situation. But I shrugged it off and tried to keep things going. I told him about school, and all the things I’ve been up to recently, and various other things that you talk about when trying to get to know another person, but he seemed to only want to talk about himself, mainly the things that he has or the things that he’s accomplished, nothing about who he was or the person that he hopes to be. Almost as if I should be impressed and appreciative that I was able to be sitting at the same table as him. I tried to ignore it and just kept going with the date. But then the worst part of the evening came. The waiter brought the food to the table, and everything went downhill. My date was apparently displeased with the service, or the food, or something, I’m still not sure what set it all into motion, but he started being incredibly rude to the waiter, saying that he didn’t know how to do his job and calling him various names that I can’t quite remember at the moment, then called the manager over and was rude to him as well. I was so embarrassed by the whole situation that I couldn’t manage to stay any longer. I complained of a stomach ache, ended the date early, and went home to get into my pajamas, eat some ice cream, and heal from the trauma that is “dating”.

My question for you is why do some men act like this? The majority of the dates I’ve been on lately have gone similarly to this. Is it me? Do I attract men with huge egos and issues with being nice? Is it just the fact that I live in a city in the middle of Midwestern America? Am I overreacting? The whole idea of dating is hard for me. I don’t like the idea of getting dressed up and trying to sell myself to another person, trying to show them all the good bits about me and trying to hide the insecurities that I have about my body and my looks. Its all just filled with so much pressure. So is that why these men that I’ve gone out with have acted like that? Because of pressure? Who knows. All I know is that after eating half a pint of ice cream and binge watching episodes of Friends, at 11:57 pm Saturday on the 23rd of May, I officially gave up on pleasing other people. The next date I go on, will be with someone that I truly want to go out with, someone that is interested in me for me, and someone that I have things in common with. I don’t care if it takes me months or years to find someone that I really want to go out with, or if I have to go to another country to find that person; I refuse to let myself fall into the trap of living my life to make everyone else happy or to fit in to the mold of what I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

Maybe the person I am meant to be with is sitting somewhere in Europe or Australia or Canada, dreaming of finding a girl just like me. Maybe he’ll be the sort of man that is kind to the people around him. Maybe he’ll be a dreamer. Maybe he’ll want to explore the world with me. Maybe he will be perfectly imperfect, just right for me. Maybe he’ll be my happily ever after, wrapped in a bundle of silly conversations, morning snuggles, netflix binges, love that isn’t based on appearances, arguments that only last a moment, and a life time of adventures.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

Sleepy Sundays | What will my future be like?

Once again, I wanted to start this post out with an explanation of the title, and just what this post is all about. Like I said before, I’ve been thinking of doing some series sorts of posts, and I think I’d like this one to be weekly, written and posted every Sunday. A day where I lay in bed on a Sunday morning, sipping a cup of tea, and just write down what is going through my mind. All along I have wanted this blog to be personal, I’ve wanted it to be a place where I could share my thoughts, feelings, and day-to-day life with whoever wants to listen, and I think this particular series of weekly posts is one way to go about it. I approached a friend and fellow blogger for advice on how to go about blogging and how to stay true to what I wanted when I started this and what he thinks about when working on his blog, and his words really resonated with me. He told me to think about what matters to me, and he said “I think about how I would feel, if I was reading my blog in 50 years time. I’d want to be reading about my memories and feelings, my experiences and my opinions. Think about events in your life that have shaped you. Think about what inspires you now. Think about who you really are. The things around you won’t always be there when you leave home and grow old. The magic will be being able to open up your blog and remembering fondly, all those happy moments. Just be you!” So that’s exactly what I’m going to do. And these Sunday posts will be all of those things wrapped up into one neat little (or extremely large, who knows!) post about the things running through my mind each and every sleepy, snuggly, Sunday morning.

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As I lay in bed this morning, with my slightly too hot tea burning my mouth, and my toast leaving a trail of crumbs on my duvet, I can’t help but be happy. Nothing in particular is making me happy today, I suppose it’s just life really. Burning my tongue and making a mess of things isn’t something that would usually start someone’s day off the right way, but for me today it is. I’ve been laying here for an hour now, being completely and absolutely lazy, with no end in sight. Jack Johnson is playing in the background, and the ceiling fan is going full blast in an attempt to counteract the humid heat that’s plaguing me at the moment with summer quickly approaching. As I’m laying here, one topic has been racing through my mind, as it often does, and I just can’t help but wonder what my future holds. Will I ever finish this degree and be finished with college? Will all these student loans kill me like I think they will? Will I ever meet the right guy for me? Does the right guy for me even exist? Where will I be living? Will my dreams of moving to England actually come true, or are they just pipe dreams? Will I have a family? Would I be a good mom? A good wife? A good friend? There are so many questions and thoughts that circle in my mind surrounding this always daunting topic. I often daydream about what my “ideal” future would be, though I say that quite loosely as it is different every time I imagine it. One day I’ll imagine myself being a novelist living in England, in Dorset overlooking the seaside, or in a small village, with a dog and a cat, in a cozy little cottage, living happily waiting for the right guy to come along and sweep me off my feet, eventually starting a family and leisurely traveling the world. Other times I’ll see myself living in busy London, being happily single, working my way up the corporate ladder, but taking time to myself to write and explore the world. Other times still, I just see myself as a nomad, traveling the world, going from place to place, immersing myself into the cultures of the places I’ve been, chronicling my life through books and photographs. All of these variations of my imagined future life would be amazing, but I have to say, the first one would be my favorite. Those sorts of happily ever after scenarios have always been a dream, I mean, who wouldn’t want that? I’ve never wanted a crazy extravagant life, I’ve always been a bit more simple than that. Honestly, all I want in life is to be happy and comfortable. I don’t need a big fancy house, or to be the head of a big corporation, I just need to know that I’ve stayed on the path that I wanted to be on, and that I am well and truly happy with the way my life is going. If someone can say that about their life and mean it, then I’d say that their life has turned out pretty perfectly.

All in all, I’m more than aware that I will never be able to predict my future. But it sure feels nice to dream about it.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx