Sleepy Sundays | Don’t call it a comeback

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So, we meet again, you cute little blog you. I’ve missed this, I really have. Sometimes you forget how good something simple like this can feel, just releasing all your thoughts onto a screen, letting anyone that’s willing read everything you’ve decided to share. Life gets in the way, I’m sure you know how it goes. But today, after so much time away, I’m back. Will I stick with it? Make time for something I enjoy in life for once? Who knows, but I appreciate each and every one of you that kept following me, even as I was away for months on end. You’re beautiful and I love you.

Now, with all of that out of the way, let’s chat. After all, that’s what I always wanted to do with this blog. I wanted to get my thoughts out of my head, and written down on paper, even if that was through a keyboard on a public forum. I wanted to talk to people, interact with them, learn from them, get to know them, and become friends with them. So let me just ask, how are you? How are things going? I’m doing well. Things are going okay I suppose, all things considered. Nothing too exciting has happened in my life since we last talked. It may have even grown just a little more monotonous since then, if that’s possible. I’ve fallen into a routine; get up, go to work, come home, go to sleep, and repeat. Monday through Friday, this is my life. I wish I were able to switch it up, to add a little spice to my life. How do you do it? How do you keep your life exciting? Please, share your secrets with me Senpai.

The most exciting thing that happened to me this weekend was when my Amazon order arrived yesterday, containing a new Electric Kettle and some cupboard organizers for all of my tea; who knew life could be filled with so much excitement?! I know I didn’t! All joking aside, I was sincerely thrilled to open up my new kettle, but I digress. Maybe I’m just in a rut? That’s possible I suppose. Or maybe it’s because my birthday is just a few short weeks away, and I’m beginning to feel the pressure that comes along with it. I’ll be 23, which may not sound old or important, but there is a lot of pressure coming along with this birthday. My parent’s think I should be settled down with that “perfect someone”, thinking about getting married and starting a family, my friends think I should already be finished with college and moved into my own place, partying it up. When in reality, I’m 22, living at home, single, fighting to finish this bachelors degree, and working a full-time job that brings no joy or excitement to my life, and chasing Pokemon in my spare time. Oh goodness, this is turning into a very “woe is me” sort of post. I need to change things up, turn it around.

Maybe I should share some things that make me happy, who knows, maybe that will pull me out of this little funk I seem to be in at the moment.

One seemingly unusual thing that always makes me happy is a strange one to describe. I suppose its essentially just the wind, but it’s much more than that to me. I love that feeling, when you’re sitting outside on a slightly cooler night, in-between the summer heat and the autumn chill, reading or just watching the world go by, when the wind sweeps across your face and you feel completely calm and safe, even if just for a moment. It makes me so happy to know that moments like that exist.

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My cat is also another point of sheer happiness for me. I mean, just look at her! Look at that face! She has this way of knowing when I need her. She’s always so quick to come and snuggle with me when I’m feeling down, or ill, or upset. Even when she’s being obnoxious, or irritating, she still has a way of making me feel so genuinely happy, all the way to my core, no matter what. For instance, she is currently laying on my chest, partially blocking my access to the keyboard on my laptop, and just being a general pain, and I still smile like a fool each time I look down at her sweet little face snuggled up against my arm.

As much as my family has a tendency to be a bit overbearing and hard to handle, I’m still filled with happiness each time I remember how lucky I am to have them. After the horrible events in France, TexasMinnesota, Louisiana, Turkey, and so many more these past few weeks, I’m feeling even luckier than usual to have my family, and to know that I have people out there to fall back on and lean on when things get tough. They are all absolutely insane, pushy, and ridiculous, but I couldn’t imagine my life without them.

Lastly, one of the things that makes me happiest; daydreaming. I’ve always loved the fact that we’ve all got this ability, this superpower, to transport ourselves to another time or place in our own minds. We’re all equipped with our own mental T.A.R.D.I.S, if you will. If I’m unhappy, or feeling stuck, or sad, or anything in between, I can simply imagine that my life will take a different turn in the future, or imagine that I’ve stumbled into a new place, or just lay back, and let my daydreams guide me. There’s no limit to the amount of things I can accomplish in a daydream. No one cares how I look in a daydream. There’s no body shaming, there’s no cruelty, and there’s no fear. It’s a completely pure space, untainted by the outside world, and it is one of my biggest sources of happiness.

And with that my friends, this Sleepy Sunday post has come to a close, and I’ll have to drag myself out of bed to start my day. My tea is gone and my cup is dry. I hope you enjoyed reading this ramble that I’ve decided to put out onto the internet, and that you found something to take with you from it. Whether that be something life changing, like learning your daydreams are a T.A.R.D.I.S, or simply just the memory of how adorable my cat is, I hope you’ve had a lovely few moments here with me.

Please feel free to leave me a comment and chat with me, or check out the “Contact Me” page to send me an email. I would love to hear from you and get to know you.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

 

 

 

30 Day Writing Challenge | Day 20

Day 20: Talk about some celebrity crushes.

This one is a bit iffy for me. I’m not really one to have too many real celebrity crushes, or crushes in general really. And I’m not sure what there is to say about them, as I don’t know any of these people personally, and these crushes are all fairly physical. But here we go! Rather than talking about why I have crushes on these people, I’m just going to leave photos of them here and let you figure out on your own why I like them. Some are because of the characters they play, some are because of the charity and humanitarian work they do, some are because of their talent, some because of their perceived personalities, and some are purely because I find them physically attractive. You’ll just have to figure out which ones are which on your own! 🙂

Benedict Cumberbatch-

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Hozier-

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Matthew Gray Gubler-

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James Corden-

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Bill Skarsgard-

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Eddie Redmayne-

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Lastly, David Tennant-

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I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

30 Day Writing Challenge | Day 18

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I should start this post off with a bit of an explanation. I haven’t posted in a while, a week to be exact. We’ve had some big storms here lately, and my internet has been down for 7 days; 7 agonizing days. But it’s back now and so am I! I’m a bit torn as to what I want to do with this 30 Day Challenge, do I want to post everything I missed when my internet was gone? Or do I just want to pick up here, on Day 18, and forget about the past few days? I think I may have to go with the latter, just for my sanity’s sake. So here it goes, Day 18, I hope you will join me on the next leg of this writing challenge and will forgive me for missing the past week. Here goes nothing!

Day 18: Post 30 facts about your self.

1. I am turning 22 on August 7th.
2. My favorite color is Seafoam Green
3. I’ve wanted to live in the UK/Ireland since I was in preschool, there are adorable drawings from me at age 4 describing where I want to live and why I wanted to live there, along with a FANTASTIC little Union Jack flag in the background.
4. I don’t believe I have ever really been in love romantically.
5. In Kindergarten I chose “J.K. Rowling” as what I wanted to be when I grew up. That’s still accurate today.
6. I like to watch the NASA channel on TV when I’m doing things around the house like cleaning, or working on homework. I find it really soothing.
7. I listen to audiobooks to fall asleep at night almost all the time.
8. I consider myself to be an “old soul”.
9. I really, REALLY hate onions. They make me feel sick every time I eat one.
10. I have two older brothers, one 12 years older than me and the other 7 years older.
11. I did competitive cheerleading as a child, won a lot of awards, and absolutely hated it.
12. When I was a little kid, I used to burst into tears and turn off the VCR when the villagers grabbed their torches and pitchforks to go after the Beast in Beauty and the Beast.
13. I have an obsession with outer space and maps.
14. I feel most at home when I’m by the sea, especially on cloudier cooler days.
15. I have very pale skin, and burn almost instantly when out in the sun without sunscreen.
16. I am half Italian and half Danish. No one ever believes that I am half Italian until they see my mother. I most definitely took after the Scandinavian side of my family.
17. I sing in the shower. Loudly.
18. I once broke my arm in two places, when riding a bike with no brakes. I have my brothers to thank for that.
19. I love to bake. It is one of my favorite things to do.
20. My dream home isn’t a huge mansion like many people would want, but a small little cottage, with fields of flowers in the countryside, with a city close enough to go to everyday, but far enough to keep things calm and quiet.
21. When I was 11, I beat 55 other people, all at least a few years older than me, in a geography bee.
22. I love to fly in airplanes.
23. I have 4 teeny tiny tattoos. And will be getting one more teeny tiny one next summer.
24. When I was seven, my brother spilled red Kool-Aid on the floor, so naturally I laughed at him. He then lifted me up by my ankles and mopped up the Kool-Aid with my bright blonde hair, causing the ends of my hair to be dyed pink. He got in a lot of trouble, and I had pink hair. It was a win-win for 7 year old me.
25. I don’t like to go to family functions with my extended family, because I don’t enjoy being around them.
26. I love my pets more than I love most people.
27. I love to shop and buy new things, but I hate going to stores.
28. I am a really loving and caring person, almost to a fault.
29. I am a dreamer.
30. I believe that someday there will be a time when everyone in the world will be able to get along.

Bonus Fact: Missing this last week of blogging really made me realize how much I truly enjoy it! I hope this little blogging hobby is something I keep up for a long time. 🙂

I hope you all will accept me back into the world of blogging, and will forgive me for being away for a while. I’m excited to be back at this and have missed this outlet dearly. And thank you crispywalker for checking on me and making sure everything was okay after noticing I hadn’t posted in a while, that was very kind of you!

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

30 Day Writing Challenge | Day 6

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Day 6: Five ways to win your heart.

1. Be yourself.
2. Be nice.
3. Have a passion.
4. Be understanding.
5. Smile.

I was a little apprehensive about writing this one. As a single girl, I think it’s clear that I don’t even know what I really want in a guy, let alone how one could “win my heart”. I’m the kind of person that believes that love is something that never ends, and since I’m not with anyone and I don’t have those feelings of love for anyone, for me its safe to say that I’ve never been in love. At least not the relationship sort of love. I love my close friends, and my family, but I don’t feel like I’ve ever loved any boyfriend I’ve had. I know that’s not the way everyone sees this whole “love” thing, but it is the way I’ve worked it out for myself. With that said, I decided to list qualities that would push me a little closer to falling for a guy, which I suppose would mean he would be the one to “win my heart”.

I don’t think there’s anything better than when someone is truly being themselves. I think its completely obvious when someone is acting differently or not being true to themselves. I’ve written about bad experiences of men acting ridiculous on dates before, and I can’t help but be a bit apprehensive about going out with anyone new, because I just don’t want to deal with it again. The last thing I want is for someone to act different than who they are just because they think it will make them seem cooler or because they think it’s how I want them to act. Personally, I’ve never been one to go for the big muscly guys, or the ones that talk down to other people, because I’m just not like that. I’m at the point in my life where I really want to find someone that I have a lot in common with, someone that I can really build a friendship and a relationship with, and if the person I’m talking to isn’t being themselves, how can I possibly have a hope of building anything with them?

Being nice should just be common sense, but from what I’ve seen in the dating world so far, in this city at least, it doesn’t seem to be as common as I think it should be. I’ve encountered men that were mean to the staff in the places we went, men that were rude to their family and friends, etc. I don’t want to limit this to just men, because that’s obviously not the case, but that’s the only reference point I have. All I ask is that the guy I’m with treats the people around him with respect. Being kind can be the simplest thing, and also the most attractive. I’m not asking for you to be Gandhi or anything, but a little kindness and respect can go a long way.

Have a passion in life. I don’t mean like sexual passion or anything like that if that’s what you’re thinking, although I suppose that’s somewhat important too, but I’m not getting into that here. I mean a passion as in a drive for something in your life. Whether you’re passionate about writing, sports, books, travelling, science, anything; I just want you to have a passion for something. I’m saying you as if you reading this right now could be the guy for me, who knows, maybe you are, but I suppose I should say “him” instead; I want him to be passionate about something, whatever that may be.

I’m not a perfect person by any means, I have a million and one flaws to go along with all of the great things about me, and I need a guy that can be understanding about that, just as I’ll be for him. Being understanding of someone else’s feelings, views, opinions, dreams, lazy days, insecurities, and everything else that someone goes through is important, not just in a romantic relationship, but in any relationship. Friendships, family relationships, work relationships, it all takes understanding and kindness even. I can assure this mythical future boyfriend that wants to “win my heart” that I will always be just as understanding as I’d like for him to be.

No one can ever look better than they do when they’ve got a smile on their face. Knowing that the person you’re with and spending time with is happy and smiling is a lovely thing. Seeing someone genuinely smile at me can brighten my whole day. There’s only so much that can be said about smiling, I feel like this is the most self explanatory of all the things on my list here, but that doesn’t mean it’s not important.

Some of these posts in this challenge make me feel a bit uneasy, as though I’m making myself out to be this crazy demanding person when it comes to relationships, but I’m really not. I feel like everything I’m looking for is fairly basic as far as relationship “requirements” go. I think the biggest thing here is that everything I’ve written down as something that the ideal man needs to possess to “win my heart” are all things that I have to offer him as well. I can’t promise that I’ll always be pretty or have a nice body, or that I’ll always have it all together, but I can promise that I’ll always be a genuine person and be myself, I’ll always be nice, I’ll never lose my passion for the things I love in life, I will always be understanding, and I will do my best to have a smile on my face as often as possible. What more can you ask for really?

Are there any things that someone can do or qualities that they should possess to win your heart?

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

Sleepy Sundays | Why do some men act like this?

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Here I am, once again laying in bed with a nice hot cup of tea, setting out to write down all the thoughts in my mind. This one however, is more difficult to write. I don’t know what words to use to express how I’m feeling right now. Let me preface this post by saying that I am a romantic person, a hopeless one at that. I love the whole concept of romance and love, and hope with every inch of me that I’ll be able to find that love and romance that so many others have managed to find. I want to find someone to grow with, to learn with, and to explore with. I do not however, need to find someone to complete me. I am complete all on my own. I don’t need anyone to be happy in life. I can be happy all on my own. I want to find someone that compliments who I am in that perfect way, that way that makes us each even better people together than we would be separately. I want someone that is kind, and adventurous. I want someone that isn’t afraid to dream. I want someone that isn’t afraid of being themselves. I know that I am not a perfect person. I have flaws like everyone else. I have a little too much fat hanging around on my body, I tend to over-think things in the simplest of situations, I can be passionate and overly emotional at times, and I have forever lived with my head in the clouds. But I have always, and will always be kind to anyone and everyone I meet, live my life with integrity, and take every opportunity for adventure that comes my way, and I hope that someday I will find a man that accepts me for who and what I am, and gives me the chance to do the same. With all these things running through my mind, I also find it important to say that I will never settle. Far too often these days, I hear family members and various other people commenting on my love life. Just last week I heard my mother tell someone that I’ve “simply given up on men and love”. But that’s just not the case. I have given up on something, but it isn’t love, and it isn’t men; I’ve given up on living my life to please other people, and I officially gave up on it last night at 11:57 pm.

Last night, I went on a date. A date that I only agreed to go on to please my family and friends. To show them that I haven’t given up and that I still want to find love. I do this every so often, when people seem to be getting antsy about me sitting in my room too often, or laying at the park with my nose in a book too frequently, and this time was no different. A friend of mine made a comment about my dating life in front of my mother, and it started this whole conversation between them about me, while I was sitting right in front of them. And by the end of it, they had convinced me to say that I would love to go out with my friend’s boyfriend’s brother. A blind date. A horrible blind date at that.

Yesterday was the day, and I did my best to stay positive about it, I even managed to get a bit excited about the prospect of meeting someone new and maybe hitting it off. It’s been nearly two years since I ended my last real relationship, and I guess I assumed that maybe it was time to take dating seriously again. That’s not to say that I haven’t gone on dates since I ended my relationship, I’ve gone on plenty, the issue here, is that they’ve almost all gone the same way this one did; horribly.

I got to the restaurant, after having made the whole effort that a girl is expected to on a date; hair, makeup, outfit, the whole thing. He arrived a bit later, and greeted me nicely, gave me a little compliment, all good things so far. It was only when we sat down at the table and started talking that I started to become increasingly upset and annoyed with the whole situation. The waiter arrived and my date didn’t bother to look at him, greet him, or do anything that common courtesy and manners would normally see as standard procedure for interacting with another human being. He was just quite cold about the whole situation. But I shrugged it off and tried to keep things going. I told him about school, and all the things I’ve been up to recently, and various other things that you talk about when trying to get to know another person, but he seemed to only want to talk about himself, mainly the things that he has or the things that he’s accomplished, nothing about who he was or the person that he hopes to be. Almost as if I should be impressed and appreciative that I was able to be sitting at the same table as him. I tried to ignore it and just kept going with the date. But then the worst part of the evening came. The waiter brought the food to the table, and everything went downhill. My date was apparently displeased with the service, or the food, or something, I’m still not sure what set it all into motion, but he started being incredibly rude to the waiter, saying that he didn’t know how to do his job and calling him various names that I can’t quite remember at the moment, then called the manager over and was rude to him as well. I was so embarrassed by the whole situation that I couldn’t manage to stay any longer. I complained of a stomach ache, ended the date early, and went home to get into my pajamas, eat some ice cream, and heal from the trauma that is “dating”.

My question for you is why do some men act like this? The majority of the dates I’ve been on lately have gone similarly to this. Is it me? Do I attract men with huge egos and issues with being nice? Is it just the fact that I live in a city in the middle of Midwestern America? Am I overreacting? The whole idea of dating is hard for me. I don’t like the idea of getting dressed up and trying to sell myself to another person, trying to show them all the good bits about me and trying to hide the insecurities that I have about my body and my looks. Its all just filled with so much pressure. So is that why these men that I’ve gone out with have acted like that? Because of pressure? Who knows. All I know is that after eating half a pint of ice cream and binge watching episodes of Friends, at 11:57 pm Saturday on the 23rd of May, I officially gave up on pleasing other people. The next date I go on, will be with someone that I truly want to go out with, someone that is interested in me for me, and someone that I have things in common with. I don’t care if it takes me months or years to find someone that I really want to go out with, or if I have to go to another country to find that person; I refuse to let myself fall into the trap of living my life to make everyone else happy or to fit in to the mold of what I am supposed to be and what I am supposed to be doing with my life.

Maybe the person I am meant to be with is sitting somewhere in Europe or Australia or Canada, dreaming of finding a girl just like me. Maybe he’ll be the sort of man that is kind to the people around him. Maybe he’ll be a dreamer. Maybe he’ll want to explore the world with me. Maybe he will be perfectly imperfect, just right for me. Maybe he’ll be my happily ever after, wrapped in a bundle of silly conversations, morning snuggles, netflix binges, love that isn’t based on appearances, arguments that only last a moment, and a life time of adventures.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx