Sleepy Sundays | I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling 22

My brother and I, at my first birthday, August 7th, 1994.  Yes, I still eat cake that way.
My brother and I, at my first birthday, August 7th, 1994.
Yes, I still eat cake that way.

Birthdays. What can you say about them really? Some people love them and some people hate them, but I for one, fall into the “love” group wholeheartedly (for the most part). I am not someone that dreads getting older or has an existential crisis every time their birthday rolls around, but I am someone that does a lot of contemplating and thinking when this day comes back around each year.

I'm pretty sure I saw a girl leaving Starbucks wearing this exact sunflower dress yesterday. The baby version of me was such a trendsetter.
I’m pretty sure I saw a girl leaving Starbucks wearing this exact sunflower dress yesterday.
The baby version of me was such a trendsetter.

Friday, August 7th, was my birthday. I spent it with friends and family having one of my favorite meals, eating yummy cupcakes, enjoying more than a few cocktails, and reminiscing about life and all the birthdays I’ve celebrated before this one. Every year for at least the last 5 years or so, I sit down, and just think. I think about all the things I have or haven’t done this past year, I think about the chances I took and the ones I let slip by, I think of all the happy and sad times, and I think of what I expected life to be at this moment. I always have a clear picture of what I want my life to be and where I want to end up, and coming to terms with the fact that I have no control over those things is a tough one for me. Well, I wouldn’t say that I have absolutely no control, but there are many things that just happen how they are mean’t to in life, and there’s not much you can do about it.

This is still the face I make when someone asks me to "smile for the camera!"
This is still the face I make when someone asks me to “smile for the camera!”

In a perfect world* (from the point of view of a daydreaming, introverted, bookworm that has an intense love for adventure and smiles), I would be travelling right now. Making the most of my youth, exploring all the places I’ve written about on this blog and many, many more. I would be standing on top of a mountain in Greece, staring off into the ocean contently thinking about where I’ll go next and what places I want to see. I’d be writing every day, and putting it all out there for the world to see. I’d never worry about money or material things, because who needs that when you have so much to see and do in life? Books would never be far from my hands and a smile would never be far from my face. I’d be happy, in the purest sense of the word.

But it isn’t my perfect world. Instead, I’m a struggling student, working a full-time, at a supremely boring and mundane office job, while tackling a full-time course load. I’m stuck in midwestern Missouri in the middle of America, with no funds to get out. I’m drowning myself in student loan debt in hopes of giving myself a better future. I’m boyfriendless and single in a place where that is a rarity. I’m not fit and healthy, as I would so love to be. I’m not writing everyday or living out my passions and dreams. But one thing that I realized on my birthday this year, is that I am happy. In the purest sense of the word. And that is all that matters to me right now. I may not be where I’ve dreamt of being in life, but I’m happy. I’m meeting new people and making new friends all the time. I’m exploring my own city and creating my own adventures. I’m writing a lot more than I used to, even if all of that writing is still sitting in my drafts folder and hasn’t been posted here.

This is one of many football team related photoshoots that my parents forced upon me as a child. American parents and their sports, you can't get away from it.
This is one of many football team related photoshoots that my parents forced upon me as a child. American parents and their sports, you can’t get away from it.

This birthday has shown me that I don’t always need to be in control. I can still lead a happy life, even if it isn’t what I expected it to be. Even when I have hard days, and bad days, and even on those days where I just want to sit on the floor and cry from all the stress, it will all be worth it in the end, and it is all worth it right this moment, just for those days where I am filled with pure happiness.

I hope you’ve enjoyed the little glimpses into my life and child hood throughout this post with the random photographs I’ve decided to throw in. What’s a good birthday post without a little bit of a throw back.

I will leave you now, as I always should, with a quote from Harry Potter.

What’s comin’ will come, an’ we’ll meet it when it does. -Rubeus Hagrid, Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, page 719

And now, at the very end, you get me, in my current state. Hair that somehow always manages to be untidy at all times, Superhero t-shirts, and a cat in the background.
And now, at the very end, you get me, in my current state. Hair that somehow always manages to be untidy at all times, Superhero t-shirts, and a cat in the background.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

Sleepy Sundays | The one with a cold

I took this photo in Ontario on the shore of Lake Superior. This is where I wish I was right now.
I took this photo in Ontario on the shore of Lake Superior. This is where I wish I was right now.

Once again, I’m laying in bed, this time with a cup of hot chocolate nearly overflowing with whipped cream, and a nice sprinkling of cinnamon on top. It’s happiness in a cup, and happiness is what I need right now. Yesterday I intended to write and post a blog post, wash all the bed sheets, go to lunch with some friends, maybe see a movie, then have a relaxing evening at home, but sadly, the universe intervened. I ended up at home all day in bed with a pounding headache and a cold. Netflix was my only comfort as I stayed snuggled up in bed with blankets and pillows all around me. There weren’t enough tissues or cough drops in the world to help me. But I thought maybe I’d wake up this morning and be good as new, “maybe it’s a 24-hour thing” I told myself, but no, wrong again. If it’s possible, I feel even worse today. Achy all over, sneezy, sleepy, and all the other seven dwarfs too. Sick days are never fun, but they are especially crap when its the weekend, the only two days when there’s no work and you’re meant to be having a nice time before the dreaded Monday rolls back around. But instead of enjoying these past couple of days, I’ve been here, in this spot, on my bed, in these pajamas, making my way through the titles available to me on Netflix, going through two boxes of tissues, a half gallon of orange juice, and an endless amount of cough drops. Lemon Mint Ricola cough drops to be exact, my favorites. The only saving grace is when it’s time to take more NyQuil to have a little rest.

This is one of those times when a boyfriend would be nice. The time when I’d love to have someone to keep me company, play with my hair to make me feel better, have a Netflix binge with; someone that can just all around make me feel better and make me laugh through all the sickly feelings. But alas, all I have is a cat. An adorable cat, but a cat nevertheless. So I’ve just spent the morning with her, snuggled up, currently watching some chick-flick/romantic comedy films. Right now, I’m watching Midnight in Paris. For a book and travel loving daydreamer like me, this movie is absolutely perfect. I highly recommend you check it out!

My snuggle buddy and I. :)
My snuggle buddy and I. 🙂

I’ve noticed through this whole mess though, that I don’t have as many real friends as I thought I did. I mean, I know a lot of people, and call a lot of people friends, but as I’ve been bored and scrolling through my phone to find someone to text to keep me company, I realized that there aren’t very many people that I really want to talk to. I think it’s just strange how that happens. You can feel like you’ve got so many people that you feel close to, when really, there aren’t very many. And there was only one friend that I was really even interested in talking to yesterday; my best friend, but that’s a given. Seeing all of this has prompted me to think about who exactly I’m calling “my friends”. I’m not a kid anymore, I think it’s time to invest myself into building real friendships with people, meaningful ones. Maybe that’s why I’ve not found the right guy to date, because I’m not investing myself into finding the right people to be around? Who knows. All I know is that I want to focus more on the quality of the friends that I have, and less on the quantity. There’s not much use in having a whole bunch of “friends” when you can’t count on them to be there for you, and when you don’t even feel as though you want them there when you need them.

Well, I suppose I’ll bring this little post to an end, after all of that nonsensical rambling. I hope you are all having a much better weekend than I am at the moment, and here’s to hoping that this cold clears up soon. 🙂

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx

P.s.- If you have any movie recommendations of things I could download, or anything that I should watch on Netflix while I’m cooped up in bed, please PLEASE let me know in the comments! 🙂 I’m running out of decent entertainment.

Sleepy Sundays | What will my future be like?

Once again, I wanted to start this post out with an explanation of the title, and just what this post is all about. Like I said before, I’ve been thinking of doing some series sorts of posts, and I think I’d like this one to be weekly, written and posted every Sunday. A day where I lay in bed on a Sunday morning, sipping a cup of tea, and just write down what is going through my mind. All along I have wanted this blog to be personal, I’ve wanted it to be a place where I could share my thoughts, feelings, and day-to-day life with whoever wants to listen, and I think this particular series of weekly posts is one way to go about it. I approached a friend and fellow blogger for advice on how to go about blogging and how to stay true to what I wanted when I started this and what he thinks about when working on his blog, and his words really resonated with me. He told me to think about what matters to me, and he said “I think about how I would feel, if I was reading my blog in 50 years time. I’d want to be reading about my memories and feelings, my experiences and my opinions. Think about events in your life that have shaped you. Think about what inspires you now. Think about who you really are. The things around you won’t always be there when you leave home and grow old. The magic will be being able to open up your blog and remembering fondly, all those happy moments. Just be you!” So that’s exactly what I’m going to do. And these Sunday posts will be all of those things wrapped up into one neat little (or extremely large, who knows!) post about the things running through my mind each and every sleepy, snuggly, Sunday morning.

(Source)
(Source)

As I lay in bed this morning, with my slightly too hot tea burning my mouth, and my toast leaving a trail of crumbs on my duvet, I can’t help but be happy. Nothing in particular is making me happy today, I suppose it’s just life really. Burning my tongue and making a mess of things isn’t something that would usually start someone’s day off the right way, but for me today it is. I’ve been laying here for an hour now, being completely and absolutely lazy, with no end in sight. Jack Johnson is playing in the background, and the ceiling fan is going full blast in an attempt to counteract the humid heat that’s plaguing me at the moment with summer quickly approaching. As I’m laying here, one topic has been racing through my mind, as it often does, and I just can’t help but wonder what my future holds. Will I ever finish this degree and be finished with college? Will all these student loans kill me like I think they will? Will I ever meet the right guy for me? Does the right guy for me even exist? Where will I be living? Will my dreams of moving to England actually come true, or are they just pipe dreams? Will I have a family? Would I be a good mom? A good wife? A good friend? There are so many questions and thoughts that circle in my mind surrounding this always daunting topic. I often daydream about what my “ideal” future would be, though I say that quite loosely as it is different every time I imagine it. One day I’ll imagine myself being a novelist living in England, in Dorset overlooking the seaside, or in a small village, with a dog and a cat, in a cozy little cottage, living happily waiting for the right guy to come along and sweep me off my feet, eventually starting a family and leisurely traveling the world. Other times I’ll see myself living in busy London, being happily single, working my way up the corporate ladder, but taking time to myself to write and explore the world. Other times still, I just see myself as a nomad, traveling the world, going from place to place, immersing myself into the cultures of the places I’ve been, chronicling my life through books and photographs. All of these variations of my imagined future life would be amazing, but I have to say, the first one would be my favorite. Those sorts of happily ever after scenarios have always been a dream, I mean, who wouldn’t want that? I’ve never wanted a crazy extravagant life, I’ve always been a bit more simple than that. Honestly, all I want in life is to be happy and comfortable. I don’t need a big fancy house, or to be the head of a big corporation, I just need to know that I’ve stayed on the path that I wanted to be on, and that I am well and truly happy with the way my life is going. If someone can say that about their life and mean it, then I’d say that their life has turned out pretty perfectly.

All in all, I’m more than aware that I will never be able to predict my future. But it sure feels nice to dream about it.

I hope you’re doing well, where ever you are in the world, and I wish you all the best.

-Lexie Xx